Assassination

 SCENE I:

[Elizabeth is sitting down. Sebastian confronts her, shouting, they fight briefly before both freezing. Elizabeth unfreezes.]

Elizabeth: Of all the people to be related to, why did it have to be him? That evil, scheming monstrosity, constantly pushing me around and blaming me for everything. I know he has his piggy little eyes on my inheritance- the manor and all its riches, though any idiot knows that I was born first.

[Sebastian unfreezes]

Sebastian: Elizabeth, I was born first!

Elizabeth: Shut up! This isn’t even your monologue!

[Sebastian scowls and returns to being frozen] 

Elizabeth: But, as I was saying, after today Sebastian won’t be able to mess up my life. Yes. I’m telling Nanny!

[Elizabeth stamps her foot and returns to frozen. Sebastian unfreezes and comes forward.]

Sebastian: Tch, I can’t believe we’re twins! Honestly, we’re complete opposites- she’s a total NO NO! Just a filthy, annoying, stupid waste of space. She thinks that this manor, this money, every single of my righteous coins and property is her?! It will be mine- I am by far the oldest, and I deserve it all. But how can I thwart her……I could……no…… Well……what if… Ha! I know how I can put this pesky brat to test. I will get what I want, fit’s the last thing I do……

[Elizabeth unfreezes and shoves Sebastian, hard, they storm off to separate sides of the stage. Nanny comforts Elizabeth, with an arm around her, miming with gestures. Sebastian looks angry and thoughtful, pacing up and down angrily.]

[END OF SCENE I]

Scene II

[Erin and Tori are sitting in a cafe, centre stage. Nanny and Sebastian  are on opposite sides of the stage trying to call Erin and Tori, but not getting through.]

Erin: Yeah, remember that time in uni?

Tor: Oh yeah!

[Both laugh]

Erin: I killed a man!

Tori: So did I!

Both: Besties! [High five] 

Erin: How’s the whole… assassination work going?

Tori: Not too great. Most people are doing it themselves. How about you? Still working for a boss?

Erin: Im solo now.

Tori: Told you it was better….

Erin: More money, less shorts. So-so

[Both phones ring]

Both: Hold on. 

 [Erin leaves table to go outside] 

SCENE III

Nanny: Hello?

Tori: [in a bored tone] Yes?

Nanny: Is this Tori? I require your services. 

Tori: Yeah sure, who’s the target?

Nanny: Kirkland. Sebastian. Lives at Kirkland Manor, Norfolk. Midlle of nowhere- you can’t miss it. 

Tori: Okay, when?

Nanny: Tomorrow, if you can. We’ll all be available then, me and her sister, Elizabeth Kirkland. It’s a birthday present for her, so as soon as possible would be best. 

Tori: Okay.[scribbles down notes] Your name?

Nanny: Claudia; Claudia Periwinkle. 

Tori: Relationship to target? 

Nanny: Nanny, to both the children. 

Tori: Sure…[scribbles] 

Nanny: And the payment? 

Tori: We’ll see, after the job is completed. 

[BEEP BEEP]

SCENE IV

Erin:[picks up phone] Uhmmm.. hi?

Sebastian: Hello. Am I reaching… well… who I think I am?

Erin: One can assume… Can I help you?

Sebastian: Yes, yes, enough about you.. I have a job for you.. kill.. Elizabeth Kirkland… Kirkland Manor. Meet me there after dark. 

[BEEP] 

SCENE V 

[Erin walks back into cafe, Tori is packing up her things] 

Erin: I have to go.

Tori: Me too. See you later, I guess.

Erin: Bye

Waiter: [in Italian accent] Hey! You didn’t pay for your food!

SCENE VI

[Elizabeth is sitting on the floor on the phone. Nanny is on a chair reading a book before shutting it and turning to Elizabeth (centre stage)]

Nanny: Now Elizabeth, I have something to tell you.

Elizabeth: [turns off phone and turns excitedly to Nanny. Elizabeth is kneeling on one side of chair] What? What?!?

Nanny: Now, I know it’s a little early, but…

Elizabeth: The new Zinna bag?!

Nanny: No,[dramatic pause] a hitman!

Elizabeth:[Jumps up and down squealing] YAYY THANK YOU SO MUCH AHHH!… wait what?

Nanny: Now, dead [Elizabeth sits down next to Nanny] I know that Sebastian has been annoying you a lot recently, trying to steal the manor and all… so… I hired a hitman to kill him! Surprise!

[Long pause] 

Elizabeth: A… hitman… [Nanny nods, patronisingly] to.. to murder Sebastian… [pause] I LOVE IT! [Elizabeth throws herself at Nanny and hugs her] It’s the best birthday present EVER!

[Nanny looks slightly relieved, smug and amused at the same time]

Nanny: I just knew you’d love it, dear [smiles] 

SCENE VII

[Sebastian and- are standing downstage left, Elizabeth, Nanny, and Tori upstage right. In the middle of the two parties is two tables and a chair.] 

[Sebastian is mime whispering to Erin, sound comes in as low murmuring] 

Sebastian: So shall we go over it one more time? [Erin gives curt nod] in half an hour… you go to the drawing room… she will be there.. you shoot her. Okay? Simple enough? [Erin nods] and how Manny bullets do you have? 

Erin: One. I only need one 

Sebastian: Okay, fine [le glare] you’d better get this right. 

[Meanwhile, upstage right…]

Nanny: Now, Tori, you are sure you know what you’re doing, correct? 

Tori: [in an incredibly board voice] Yes- I go into the drawing room, and I kill the target…

Elizabeth: …Neatly…

Nanny: …And…

Tori: …Precisely. [Nanny and Elizabeth look at Teri, wondering how she knew what they were going to say] What? You have said it about a hundred times. 

[Both stage sides mime getting into position- give feeling of time passing] 

[left sage]

Sebastian: So… its time.

Erin: Uh…okay. Let’s go.

[right stage] 

Elizabeth: Okay! 

[Elizabeth walks cheerfully towards centre stage. Sebastian puts his palm towards- as if to say “wait”, before striding towards centre stage as well. Both sit at a chair.]

Sebastian: [as if disgusted- almost spitting the words] Ah… Elizabeth…

Elizabeth: [playfully] Sebastian…lovely to see you. 

Sebastian: And you.[looks into distance] My, the weather is beautiful today…

Elizabeth: [pause] I…uh… it’s dark outside, Sebastian…

Sebastian: [daydreaming] So… lovely…

Elizabeth: ANYWAY! [Sebastian jumps and begins to pay attention again] There was a dispute to be settled?

Sebastian: Ah yes. I have a solution… [smirks] 

Elizabeth: [mockingly innocent] Oh… but… so do I… [tilts head] NOW!

[Sebastian snaps fingers. Both Sebastian and Elizabeth stand up abruptly, getting away from the table. Tori runs in first, with- shortly after, from the opposite side. Erin and Tori look at each other in disbelief, and both Sebastian and Elizabeth looked shocked. Tori shoots Sebastian, who falls, but as- shoots for Elizabeth, Nanny jumps in front of Elizabeth, and takes the bullet. Nanny falls, and Elizabeth gets onto her  knees and holds her, sobbing] 

Erin: I missed?! Are you kidding me?

Tori: Now it’s like that time in [puts hands on hips playfully] primary school…

[Erin rolls his eye comically at Tori, and they leave to the left together, conversing naively about the past] 

Elizabeth: I… Nanny… Sebastian… what have I done? 

*Monologue*

[Elizabeth walks to front centre stage] 

Elizabeth: So. Here you find me.

The leftover of a story of hate and revenge. 

I got the manor, of course… and the… whole inheritance 

Im rich. Extremely rich. 

[Pause]

But… alone.

And well its not quite as fun as I thought it would be. 

[dramatic pause]

[leans up]

Just kidding! It’s amazing! [Skips offstage]

-The End-